गजल-८
सच्चा पुत्र हुँ म भनी उठ्यौ पिएर खुनलाई
हारी हारी ढल्यौ अनि आँट्यौ झस्किएर रुनलाई
दोधारमा पर्यौ अनि त्यसै जालमा अल्झिन गयौ
पथभ्रष्ट भस्म पार्छु भनी उठ्यौ आकाश छुनलाई
पछारिएर मैदानमा अन्धकारलाई चुम्न पुग्यौ
एक्कासी आँखा बन्द गर्यौ बेहोसी हुनलाई
आफ्नै स्वार्थसिद्धि हेर्यौ आफ्नै मान बचाउँदै
अनायसै माथि उठ्यौ विद्रोह त्यसै दुनलाई
शरीरलाई समाल्दै बेवास्ता गर्यौ हिरा मोती
लछार्न सारा सत्य अनि हात पार्न सुनलाई
Umaji ! weldone!! you are great !!!
# Well Come to bhutaneseliterature.com #
The gazal you have pasted in the site is very outstanding and comtemporary. I have reread it many times to locate your point of deteraination and found you very versatile in your subjectivity. Really, It is very sounding and has a good message to terror reidden thoughts. As per your gazal some times it is not good to conjure the blood. I like this notion among many you have messed in the gazal.
Umaji ! you know that we have very few writers to represent the age inrespect to Female writers. I don’t mean to say we need many but it would be good if we would have many. I appreciated your capability and dedication at this point of vastness in your life.
Many are lost in America who were sounding in the past but you came with your gazal shining like the sun. You are really an important asset to the Bhutanese Literature, and this is not my geustimate.
your gazal awaits some little more works to be perfect and this is not a big deal. Gradually, you can gained proficiency. I very glad that you have respected the complete format of gazal writing. This is very specific in gazal writing. Many of our writers are beating around the bushes in this subject. Personally I am proud of you for contributing time to maintain quality in the gazal.
you have started to shine and you know well begin is half done and begining shows the day. I wish your begining brightens the whim of the site itself. Hope you will send some stroms of gazal to the site.
Uma ji….! really i enjoyed YOUR creation.
I heartly salute your power of imagination(creation)….I(we) warmly welcome YOU in the landmark of literature(bhutanese)..
Hope YOU will again give US time to read YOUR creation more…..
मेरो ख्याल्मा,
गजलमा एउटा कथा छ। शायद त्यो एउटा युवक हुनु पर्छ जस्तो भान हुन्छ। भित्र कतै अस्पटता देखिन्छ। अलन्कारीक छ जस्ले गजलको पुरतान मन्यता लाई छोडेको छ। यो गजल सेर पूर्ण त छदै छ त्यस माथि भावनाको गती ज्यादै राम्रो देखिन्छ। कबितत्मक गजल हो यो जस्तो लाग्छ तर यो भुपली गजल को एउटा बिसिस्ट पटो स्विकार योग्य छ। गजलकै भाषामा यो गजल मुसल्सर हो। म उमा जि लाई आफ्नै धार्मा रहन हुन आनुरोध गर्छु। शायद नबिनताको खोजिमा।
Awesome creation from so young brain!! This should definitely be a sign of something great in future…..Go ahead Uma. I am sure u deserve a lot coz there is something in you that’s gonna take u far..
Wah Wah Wah Umaji, yo po gazal ta….! Bring some more. I am proud of you.
” A young brain with a mature thoughts” . Superb!