Fear of Pandemic Pregnancy

Kumari Pokhrel Regmi
Syracuse, USA

The fear and uncertainty of the Coronavirus pandemic are all around us. As a front-line healthcare worker, my fear, stress, and anxiety have been heightened. Caring for a family in the shadow of a pandemic causes even more fear of an uncertain future amid everything. During this difficult time, everyone wants to feel safe and have a sense of control over their lives and well-being. My family and I could not escape the virus, and we fell victim like so many others.

I still vividly remember the dream my husband and I shared. We were hoping to increase our family’s size after our daughter’s 2nd birthday in August 2020. We always wanted to have more children. At that time, the Coronavirus pandemic was on a bit of a pause, and there was hopeful news for the development of a Covid 19 vaccine. Nevertheless, we still had a lot of reservations and questions. What if a second wave comes in the fall? What if I get sick while I am pregnant? What if our kids get sick while I am pregnant? What if I get exposed to COVID 19? What if my husband gets sick while I am pregnant? Are we crazy knowing that the world is in crisis, and here we are talking about having a third baby?  Then we realized that there is never a perfect time, and we are still faced with the unknown when this pandemic will be over.

I was 15 weeks pregnant when I tested positive for COVID 19 on November 23, 2020. This is my third pregnancy and definitely different than my first two from the beginning. I started getting extreme nausea, including vomiting from week 5. When I tested positive on November 23, I had no symptoms other than my usual nausea. As soon as I tested positive, I began quarantine following the guidelines from the Department of Health. My husband’s test came back positive at the same time. It was impossible to isolate ourselves from our two little daughters, 2 and 4 years old. We started wearing masks and quarantined at our house. Our elder daughter at least understands a bit of the importance of wearing a mask, but our little one struggles to keep it on. “I cannot see mommy’s and daddy’s face,” she would repeat. I worry about the baby growing inside me and two little ones at home. I started getting bad headaches that Tylenol could not even alleviate. I developed more symptoms each day, including nausea with vomiting, body aches, chills, headaches, and a stuffy nose. Our eldest daughter, Arohi, even said, “Daddy let’s take mommy to the hospital; she is very sick.” Some nights I felt like I could not breathe as I lay in bed. Common symptoms of pregnancy and COVID 19 caused so much confusion.

I know the importance of staying hydrated; however, it was hard for me to do so. I often could not keep anything down, including water. Both my husband and I are nurse practitioners. We wanted to stay away from the emergency room and avoid any possible radiation exposure from tests.

So, we decided to stay home, keeping sips down, trying lemonade and hot water to avoid the hospital. Reading the stories of pregnant mothers experiencing shortness of breath and getting treatment in the intensive care unit and ventilators makes my quarantine days even worse! Watching the news on television during our isolation added to my insecurities. A lack of enough hospital beds, a lack of enough ventilators, and a lack of enough health care workers added to my stress.

On Thanksgiving, while others were celebrating, I was very sick that I could not get up from bed to cook a Thanksgiving meal. Thankfully my in-laws dropped off a Thanksgiving meal! The kids were happy that we were staying at home. They spent most of the time playing, reading books with daddy, and running around the house. My little warned her big sister, “Do not go near mommy; she will throw up on you.” It was the bitter truth. On occasion, my nausea and vomiting continued throughout the day, accompanied by a massive headache.

On November 28, my headache was so excruciating that I told my husband to call an ambulance. At that point, I was able to keep some food, hot water with ginger, and lemonade down. I keep sipping as I lay sick on the couch. My big daughter kept doing a warm washcloth compress on my forehead, and it helped. My husband massaged me with Vicks VapoRub on temples and forehead, and that brought so much relief! I took Tylenol and went to bed that night. The next morning, I had some relief from my severe headache. My nausea lessened, and I could eat and drink. It was that day that I felt confident that I could beat this virus!

December 2 was my husband’s 36th birthday! Our kids were so excited about the birthday celebration. Other years before COVID 19, they would be excited to call their cousins, grandparents, uncles, and aunts to celebrate. Our elder daughter even cried to be compelled to celebrate daddy’s birthday alone without having nearby cousins to join. We promised that we would have a grand celebration once everyone gets the vaccine, and we are virus-free!

My husband and I are so grateful to work for a great company. We received full support from our managers and colleagues during this difficult time. Phone calls from families, friends, managers gave us extra strength to cope with stress, sickness, and more.

I am now writing this on December 3. I am off from quarantine and feeling better. I want to tell everyone that this disease is not as easy as many might wish to assume; it’s terrible! As a provider and nurse practitioner taking all the precautions that I could, I still caught this virus. I want everyone to take care of themselves, your families, and your patients in a safe way wearing appropriate personal protective equipment (PPE), social distance, and following guidelines from the Department of Health. With Covid 19 virus spreading worldwide, be protective of yourself and those all around you.

Covid 19 vaccine is almost here. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) mentioned in 2019 that “early in the COVID-19 Vaccination Program, there may be a limited supply of COVID-19 vaccine, and vaccination efforts may focus on those critical to the response, providing direct care, and maintaining societal function, as well as those at highest risk for developing severe illness from COVID-19”. CDC is recommending the vaccine to everyone, even though the supply is limited. I encourage everyone to take precautions and wear a mask and adopt social distancing. Most of our festivals are gone for this year; Christmas is almost here. So abiding by the guidelines given by the health authorities is still very important.

The coronavirus pandemic has an enormous impact on the entire world, including pregnant mothers. I am so grateful that it did not take a significant toll on my family’s health and well-being. Despite the fear and anxiety about the well-being of the baby growing inside me, I am so thankful that I defeated the virus without being hospitalized. There is not much research on how the SARS-CoV 2 virus affects pregnancy and its long-term effects. I am hoping and praying every day that this growing baby will come out healthy. I want to tell all pandemic-pregnant mothers to stay healthy. Stay away from sick people, wear a mask, wash hands frequently, and social distance.