Suicide Note

Hemanta Acharya
Sydney, Australia

I must say it but I fear;
instead, I find a corner,
disappear, let it run my tears, can I ever share?

Thoughts I keep it to myself,
feelings I am hesitant to share,
I doubt if anyone would hear,
even if they did, would they really care?

Smile behind my tears,
eye bags covered with a foundation of different layers,
What if I get caught? Oh Forget it,
I doubt anyone notices
They may notice my pimples,
the clothes I’m wearing,
And the eyeshadow color
but my sore eyes and my fake smile

I am here, but I’m not, “I am okay,” I say but I’m not,
I am nodding my head but am I even listening? Maybe not
Moments of black and white in every couple of seconds
A laugh and a cry that changes in a minute
Fake happiness beneath my horrible taste of life,
low self-esteem and the unsettled state of mind,

With the accumulation of all these mixed feelings, here I stand
fearful, tearful and sorrowful as I am about to give up,
give up my life, my dream, my family and my sense of self.

Because neither I can explain the cause nor I know it myself!