Your Absence

Ramesh Gautam
Norway

When
Your half-closed lips
Lose their smile
And you sink into an abyss of endless pain…
A wild pack of beasts
Comes charging, growling,
And begins to tear me asunder.

With their sharp, jagged claws,
They rend my very being,
As if
Every part of me—body and soul—
No longer belongs to me.

When those claws reach for my heart,
I tremble,
I shudder,
I am torn apart by unbearable agony,
And I scream in torment,
Hoping
This world might crumble and shatter,
Into countless fragments…
For my heart is not merely mine;
It is the throne upon which you sit.

Let someone tear my body apart,
Shred it into pieces…
Ah, how sweet that moment would be!
The shattered fragments of my flesh
Perhaps
Cannot feel the fury of a storm,
Nor endure the crash of a crushing blow.

But
Let no hand dare touch my heart,
Where I have hidden
An angel,
Whom I love more than my own self,
In a place where none can see.

[This poem has been translated into English by the poet himself from the original Nepali version, which is included in the poet’s collection published in 2022. The original Nepali version is also published online here – Editor]